How Appropriate January 27th, 2008

woke up this morning feeling less than wonderful.  i am longing for the days of no talking, meditating 12 hours a day and a feeling of freedom and true internal happiness and peace.  today did not start out as one of those days.  actually i don't think any of my days this week have started out like that.  earlier this morning i looked at my bag full of glass and plastic recyclables and thought:  great.  our recycle bin is full again (mostly due to the fact that i am the only one that takes it out on fridays and i shirked my duties and was away the friday before) so i guess i'll just have to leave it here inside as an eye sore b/c it has been raining so much and it's just not right to keep it outside unless its in the bin. (yes, i have such lengthy random thoughts often) so i succumbed to the fact that this was the way it was going to be.  a scene mimicing sarah cynthia sylvia stout from shel silverstein's famous poem.  cut to an hour later, i am in my kitchen standing up eating (damn me again. . . . can't i ever sit down and eat a meal?) and i hear the melody of john mayer's "waiting on the world to change" and all i can think of is that dance from 'so you think you can dance' that every single contestant had to perform.  although it was another great creation by wade robinson, seeing all ten dancers do the same damn thing resulted in me no longer really enjoying that song.  however, this morning, it is exactly what i needed.  as i looked out my back window to the driveway below, i saw the homeless guy (at least i think he's homeless) with his shopping cart full of bottles, cans, etc. and his old school 'ghetto blaster' boom box.  sweet.  i turn to look at my overflowing bag of recyclables, again look out the window at that kind lovely man digging through the huge trash bin, finish the muffin i am chewing in my mouth and think 'right on'.  unlocking my door and grabbing the bag, i don't even have to walk down the full flight of steps . . . my homeless crony meets me halfway and takes my load of plastic and glass and along with it, calms my neurosis for cleanliness and clutter.  i feel such compassion and love for this man . . . and gratitude for his assistance.  and realize that man probably will never know how much he helped me today . . . and similarly, none of us know when we are helping others.   we may think we are just collecting trash.  

  

and i continue . . . to wait on the world to change.  but i'll try to do my part today.  and i feel better.